Can I have a fulfilling life when I have such emotionally negative and immature family members and friends sucking the life out of me?  What is the best course of action to not let them negatively affect me?

-Eagle in the Chicken Coup

Dear Mister Eagle in the Chicken Coup,

Family can be your strength and it can also be a weakness.  When alcoholics get support to get sober, some of the first tough talks they are given is that friends and family that enable, support, or partake in negative behavior must be eliminated.  Codependency, when it imprints bad habits, behavior or negativity will knock the wind out of any winning sloop’s sails.  Even life coaches like Tony Robbins and Tim Ferris begin their Positive Mental Makeovers with a strict negative energy culprit, inventory.  Dr. Jen, our featured professional,  just remitted a New Year’s Relationship Reassessment that can offer some clinical insight.

Too much emotional time and energy can be wasted on life sucking and smile inhibiting behaviors and persons.

For the most part, 12 step programs, life coaches, and entrepreneurial experts all agree that eagles would never fly if they were raised with a family of chickens in a chicken coup.

If images and false senses of family as a foundation to build your entire life on has your guilty conscience pining or is pinging your heartstrings, just remember all families are more than mildly dysfunctional.  You owe your family nothing.  Stop feeling you do.

Here are the two choices you have based on you internal personality and abilities.

  1. If you can maintain your life emotionally unaffected by crappy family and friends and still succeed and be happy, you are in the minority and you can just continue your life of success without missing a beat when bad energy is thrown your way.   10% of the population is cold enough to live this way and it is commonly known as psychopathic.
  2. If you are emotionally connected to the world in general or you are guided by guilt from your very Jewish or Catholic Mother, you may need to scrape the mold off of your family and friends block of cheese.  After you shed the cranky most of your acrid family will never understand their newly begotten loneliness away from your splendor.  They will blame, shun, and format some wildly awful reason for your stance of separation.

This is OK.  Their shackles of hateful crap will hurt less when you carve out your protective moat.  Do not be misguided by attempts of your lifetime connection with them to stop your stance.

When you create your crap-sandwich emotional separation, two things will happen in the near future.

  1. Good and understanding family and friends will rally around and support your success whether they are included or not.  These are good folks that may be possibly allowed back in your life on a limited basis.
  2. Eternally bad friends and family members will make it their charge to compromise your success with bids of ‘how could you’ and ‘we share blood and history’.  Let these folks go.  They will always wear you out and they will never be you fan.  They have an alternate motive and it most likely relies on your misery to make them feel bigger.  Tell these bad karma culprits to: “not let the door hit them where the good lord split them”.  They are not worthy and you deserve better.

Family or friends should be your strength. Those that maintain and support your weakness, need to be CUT OUT.


Disclaimer: Although inspired in part by a true question, the preceding dissertation is considered fictional and does not depict any actual person or event, unless the subjects’ rights were waived or they gave consent.

Taty is not a licensed therapist and is not for legal hire to fix your problems. Taty is not responsible for your failures or successes in any matters of the heart, or other.  Your problems are only fixable by you and this series is merely for entertainment purposes.  Any similarity to actual individuals or their stories is only consequential and the victims names have been changed or cloaked to protect the innocent.

Taty (126 Posts)