The Day After Christmas
By Bonnie Pfiester
‘Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house,
Every creature was stirring, yes, even the mouse.
The stockings, once hung by the chimney with care,
Were being packed up and are no longer there.
If only the children were nestled all snug in their beds,
All the adults in the house wouldn’t be losing their heads.
I finished some cleaning and took off my thinking cap;
And thought for a second I might take a nap.
When out of nowhere, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Across the house I flew like a flash,
Tripping over empty boxes, wrapping paper and trash.
My neighbors’ Christmas lights lit up the neighborhood
So I could see my neighbor clearly exactly where she stood.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
She was standing on her scale crying in fear.
More rapid than eagles, all her weight came,
She cried and shouted and called her scale a bad name.
“Now Dangit! Now Darnit! Dagnabbit and Flippin!
My True Religion jeans are no longer fittin!
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall;
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
As dry leaves before Hurricane Frances did fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount in the sky.
Out of her garage her husband flew,
With the car full of toys and all the kids too.
And in a twinkling, I heard my doorbell sound,
Followed by crying and sobbing from everyone around.
As I drew in my head wondering how I could help,
All my friends and neighbors were at my door with a yelp.
They were dressed in fitness gear from their head to their feet
Their clothes were all tarnished with cookie crumbs and sweets.
They seemed to have an extra bundle around their fronts and their backs,
And they all looked like peddlers, each one with a gym sack.
Their eyes, how they twinkled – but wait, they weren’t merry,
They’d all been crying, their noses red as a cherry.
Their droll little mouths were drawn up like bows;
And their faces looked shocked, like they had all seen a ghost.
They had gotten on a scale and didn’t like what they saw.
And now they were ready and determined to erase it all.
They had broad faces and a little round belly,
That shook when they cried like a bowlful of jelly.
They were chubby and plump, each like an unhappy old elf,
And I laughed when I saw them because I was there myself.
A wink of my eye and a twist of my head,
Soon they all knew they had nothing to dread.
I spoke not a word, but went straight to work;
And filled all the aerobics classes, then turned with a jerk.
And laying my fingers on the computer keys,
I started writing out my fitness tips with ease.
I sprang to my car and gave my team a call,
And told them “get ready! Get ready for them all!”
And away they all flew to the health clubs that night
saying, Happy New Year to all, let’s give fat a good fight!