It’s Friday again. Despite the busyness during the Holiday Season, you all sent questions that cannot be left unanswered.  Here is one I received that I have experienced as well.

Question:  TATY,

Many of my friends complain about their spouses and sometimes publically and on social media. How do I tactfully tell my friends to stop embarrassing themselves?

-Friend of Spouse-Trasher

Answer:  Dear Friend of Spouse-Trasher,

I had a friend who used to complain about her husband all the time. Sometimes with people she had just met.  Her story was a monochromatically painful and endless assertion of quotes like this.

-“He didn’t even buy a Birthday Present this year, he doesn’t care about me”.

-My husband is so difficult, “Take him if you think he is worth a damn”.

-“Our sex life is so bad, we never even do it anymore.  Our New Year’s resolution (in three months) will be to schedule sex once a week”.

The simple act of saying something bad about someone can affect you negatively for a long time to come. No one wants to hear about the imperfections of your spouse or significant other. Still, we eventually came to find out the reason for her negativity was actually something really serious she was dealing with privately. I’d rather not go into the specifics, but what I can say is that they were looking for birth defect attorneys, trying to find the best one to help them with their case. The case and the situation itself had left them both drained, not really leaving enough time and energy for them to look after their relationship.

It was a hurdle they came to successfully clear in the long run. If there’s a lesson to be learned, is that sometimes you should ask why a person is acting a certain way, if perhaps there is something you can do to help them, instead of focusing on how their behavior affects you, and complaining about it to basically no effect.

Hopefully your friend reads Ask Taty.

If not, try to advise your friend directly like I would.  Warning your friend will de-friend you on Facebook and start trash-talking you.  Don’t worry, you won’t miss her.

I always say that in any relationship you have three options:

  1. Get over it and stop being cranky, you chose this person.
  2. Maybe it is you.  Make your partner happy, you could be the reason he is a miserable cranky-butt.
  3. End the relationship.  Find someone you only want to talk nicely about.  It will make everyone around you so much happier and they may even be your friend on Facebook, again.

It’s always your choice. Stay positive it is so much more attractive.

-Taty

Disclaimer: Although inspired in part by a true question, the preceding dissertation is considered fictional and does not depict any actual person or event, unless the subjects’ rights were waived or they gave consent.

Taty is not a licensed therapist and is not for legal hire to fix your problems. Taty is not responsible for your failures or successes in any matters of the heart, or other.  Your problems are only fixable by you and this series is merely for entertainment purposes.  Any similarity to actual individuals or their stories is only consequential and the victims names have been changed or cloaked to protect the innocent.

Taty (119 Posts)